Streetlight Diaries

Patent Pending presents: Mario and the Brick Breakers. Please watch and share, share, share!!

Somebody loves you.

It’s kind of an awesome feeling, to realize that you love someone. It can happen in the middle of the week, the minute you wake to face the world or as you lie down after a hard day at work and find yourself thinking, well, at least he exists. My realization happened as I was driving to work, loudly singing a particular song in the middle of traffic with my windows down, not ashamed at all. I sang, “Oo somebody loves you!” to him, and when my head asked me why—why him? —I said without hesitation, “because he is the most genuine person I know.”

Genuine, now, that means something fairly heavy. To me, genuine means being honest, it means having good intentions, and it means embodying what is good and right, right down to the core. This person I not-so-suddenly cherish, I believe he is all of these things. Does this mean that I don’t ever get annoyed with him? No. No, absofriggenlutely not. But the worst part about this friend is that I can never stay mad at him.

So I’m sitting in my car and I’ve got all these awesome feelings and not-so-awesome vocal notes going on… and it dawns on me to clarify, if only to myself, what this actually is. It is not “in love,” and it’s not “I like like him.” But it is love. It doesn’t matter to me (and you will think I’m either crazy or lying) that maybe these feelings are not reciprocated. I’ve learned better, my heart is wiser now; it doesn’t matter, because just knowing that I love, that I can love, is empowering. Friendship is empowering. It’s a rush, but it’s stable. It’s gentle, but it is mighty. And it’s funny, because sometimes when you open up to love someone else, you end up loving yourself too.

“Somebody Loves You” Betty Who

Something inside of me died quite a while ago. But it could come back. I could. T.

It’s so funny how that happens.

I’ve become a person, in many ways, much different than I used to be. And I’ve surprised even myself.

Today, someone at work called me a “suck-up employee” for putting months of hard work into something I believed in, that is, mounds of daily paperwork pertaining to a child who desperately needed an adult to speak up for him. She announced to the staff lounge that that was how I’d asked for a day off two weeks in a row… and gotten my way. Like the same old me I’ve always been, I explained my position with quickness and wit that the assailant was not prepared for. Unlike the old me however, I didn’t feel any further need to prove myself to her. Why should I? A person who sees exceeding expectations as a scarlett letter hardly piques my interests for future friendship. So I ate my lunch and declined to inform this well-spoken lady that I was actually missing work, to attend a funeral.

I could probably ramble on for a few paragraphs more, about the ironies you find within yourself as you grow up. But I won’t. Because I have a lot going on this week and the fact that I was able to be the bigger woman today has impressed me enough and so very unlike myself, I will just leave you with this.

Until next time…

What good is a love that disables all your senses?
No seriously, pros and cons…
I forgot to be me.

I first started writing about tyrants… hate them. Then it was long lost friends… until I realized they don’t have to be so far away, really, if I reach a little. I thought I’d try my hand at boyfriend issues…but international fights can be difficult to triangulate and then of course the guilt seeped in.

So I turned off the TV. And cried a lot. Put on some music, and waited for a sign. I danced a little, got tired a lot. Tweeted at Mr. Conley, and brushed my teeth.

Faith. This blog ended up being about faith. Faith while tyrants sling demeaning comments (they actually believe they can rule over you). Faith, eventhough he promised to be there (and he literally never is). Faith, because wars don’t last forever, and because all of our tomorrows take root in today.

I am about faith, and all the little things I do on a night like this… are the things that keep me going, bring me back to being me. Faith included.