We all have very special gifts. Talents. It could be the skill of playing music, making dance, painting, sculpting, taking photographs, scoring touchdowns, or getting the highest score on the lab exam. It can also be the ability to love, the art of compassion, the strength to let hope float.  

I myself have a number of gifts, and at this moment I don’t think it immodest to call them out. I can choreograph any dance you want, sketch fairly the remnants of something you’d like to see, I’m well-versed in music, and from time to time, I’ve been known to write. But I have not been the angel of gratitude when it comes to these gifts I’ve been given. I didn’t see a point to being a sweet, clean-cut girl after my Grandma passed; even if you follow all the rules, bad stuff can happen. And when skinny wasn’t skinny enough, hard work wasn’t natural enough, and red blood wasn’t the right shade of crimson lipstick… I gave up trying to tell everybody how I felt from a centerstage marking. I stopped writing when I thought Cyph was gone. And sometimes, I’m still pretending that I don’t feel very, horribly alone.

Now, I am very lucky to have a family who has reluctantly yet finally, ceased to call me ‘a dancer,’ and my friends won’t call me ‘the writer’ now that I’m more of a veteran than a queen. I have a boyfriend, a gifted one, who deals with so many ups and downs in a day, and refusals- blatant anger from me in admitting that I am talented, that I‘m lovable, beautiful. That I am an artist. Still. It all makes me think that maybe people are like chalkboards; we have equal ability to create and erase with will.  

My skills, they will all be welcomed again here and there eventually, and when they do I will make excellent use of them. But the truth is; I’m not worried that my skills will weaken, or that my abilities will deflate. Have the courage to make mistakes- explore your world- and fate will find its way. We all have at least the capacity for that.

…Terica.