Lately, I just have not wanted to be Terica. I haven’t been into the idea of writing my memories, I haven’t even considered jotting spur of the moment thoughts, and I haven’t let a show really get under my skin- apart from Madonna’s performance last night at the Super Bowl. I’ve been wearing jeans, the same pair all the time, put with whatever t-shirt makes me feel the least disappointing on any given afternoon. Lately, I have been more about hiding behind the man-made walls of Mount Sinai, than I have been about wondering and recording, reaching for anything new. A couple hissy fits and several sleepy Sundays later, I consider my extending mood (which my mother appropriately dubs the winter doldrums), and I suggest it is more to blame on selfishness, than lack of sun at all.

Nate says, there are a lot of different ways to live out your dream. There are a lot of different ways to say, ‘hey, this is me and my shit,’ and there are a lot of ways to get to wherever it is you may be headed on any given afternoon. Are there not many ways to be yourself? Life is long- I don’t believe what they say- and lately, I haven’t been wondering who I am; after books full of questionable decisions, I know who that is without the hysterics and dilemmas. I have not been wishing I had the time and energy to get my own life. I’ve just been neglecting it. Taking a recess. Being someone else for a while. Someone less self-proclaimedly complicated. And I guess I’m about done now. Tonight I wrote one paragraph in the fourth section of the Second Book, watched RuPaul’s Drag Race, and Jessie J’s “Domino” video. Nate says there are a lot of different ways to live out you dream. There are a lot of ways to come back from one too. 

…terica.